The Mornin' Mail is published every weekday except major holidays
Wednesday, September 28, 2011 Volume XX, Number 71

did ya know?.

Did Ya Know?.. There will be a pet blessing on Sun. Oct 2 in the Barking Lot of the Grace Episcopal Church, corner of Chestnut & Howard. at 5 p.m. All animals and friends welcomed.

today's laugh

An Antartian was standing in front of a soda machine muttering, "You’re a dumb-looking button. You don’t have much of a future, either. You’re going to be replaced by a much better looking button."

"What are you doing?" another Antartian asked.

The Antartian quickly pointed to the sign on the front of the machine that read "DEPRESS BUTTON FOR ICE".


With high-definition TV everything looks bigger and wider. Kind of like going to your 25th high school reunion


A guy to a friend: "After three sets golf clubs and ten years of lessons, I am finally getting some fun out of golf. I quit."

What did 2 say to 3 about the unruly 6?

Don’t worry about him; he is just a product of our times.


"Will you love me when I’m old and ugly?"

"Darling, of course I do."


A Chronological Record of Events as they have Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.

He Was Absent-Minded.

A young man over in a neighboring town took a girl out for a drive and she fell out of the buggy and he drove on a mile or two before he missed her.

You can bet your last penny that such a thing never happened in Carthage. The wheels might drop off, the shaft pull out, the horse drop dead, or the buggy wheel disappear entirely and not be missed, but the girl - never.

Cemetery Improvements.

The Regan brothers, who are now owners of Park cemetery, are making some decided improvements in that already beautiful place. They have laid off and platted three new blocks, and will grade and gravel all the streets with mining gravel. Additional culverts will also be put in to run the water off.

  Today's Feature

Kaiser Will Run.

On September 24, 2011, at 10:00 am, on the west side of the Carthage courthouse, randee kaiser made his formal public announcement to run for the office of Jasper County Sheriff.

A news releas from the campaign says that "Randee Kaiser is well qualified to serve the citizens of Jasper County. Kaiser, assistant chief of the Carthage Police Department, has been an officer for 16 years. He has served as a police sergeant, drug task force officer and is a member of the Tri-state major case squad. Kaiser holds a master’s degree in criminal justice Adminstration."

The release also states that "Kaiser has a solid track record of professional and dignified service in law enforcement and is anxious to extend these qualities to the citizens of Jasper County."




The Bright Futures Advisory Boardwill be hosting a breakfast on September 27, 7 a.m., at Fairview Christian Church. Members of the business community, faith-based organizations and human service groups have been invited to come and listen and be inspired to participate. Mrs. Laurel Rosenthal, Mark Twain Principal (417) 359-7080

Jasper County Jail Count

? September 27, 2011

Total Including Placed out of County

Just Jake Talkin'

I’ve never understood why they put an eraser on a red pencil. In the first place, those wieldin’ such an instrument is supposed ta be lookin’ for mistakes, not makin’ ‘em. But even more to the point, as a youngster I saw more than one attempt to erase a red check mark on a less than perfect paper. I never saw anyone ever successfully erase a red mark.

Typically, after a futile attempt, there would be some effort to hide the mark with a doodle or two, or a random line meant to cover the obvious.

‘Course these observations were at the relatively young age of under 10. Those attemptin’ to fool their parents or other classmates hadn’t yet grasp the real art form of hidin’ mistakes. One lesson was ta never use a red pencil.

This is some fact, but mostly,

Just Jake Talkin’.

Sponsored by Carthage Printing

Weekly Column


By JoAnn Derson

• A Tip From JoAnn: I like bottled water, but it’s expensive and creates a lot of waste. I have plenty of reusable bottles, but bottled water always seemed more convenient and, frankly, better. I found that what I really like is to take a bottle of very cold water out of the fridge and drink it, so instead of storing those reusable bottles in the cabinet, I fill them straight from the dishwasher and put them in the fridge. Now I have the convenience of bottled without spending the money, and I’m happy I am not creating waste.

• To remove stubborn contact paper from kitchen shelves, use a hair dryer set on low to loosen the adhesive, then peel away slowly.

• Here’s a trick for removing hard-water stains on windows or glass doors: Apply full-strength fabric softener to surface. Let dry, then use a wet cloth to remove, rinsing the cloth frequently.

• Hang a bag of clothespins near the laundry basket. Then if something has a stain that needs to be addressed, put a clip on it before adding it to the basket. This way, you’ll know what to pretreat on wash day. -- D.W. in Washington

• To keep pants on a hanger from creasing, I slit a paper towel cardboard roll and slip it over the hanger. I tape it together and then put the pants over it. This has worked for me for many years. -- I.R. in Nebraska

• Got a grease stain on your shirt? Cover it with baking soda right away. The baking soda will absorb the oil. Repeat several times and launder as quickly as you can.

Copyright 2011, Heritage Publishing. All rights reserved.