An Antartian was standing in front of a soda
machine muttering, "Youre a dumb-looking
button. You dont have much of a future, either.
Youre going to be replaced by a much better looking
"What are you doing?" another
The Antartian quickly pointed to the
sign on the front of the machine that read "DEPRESS
BUTTON FOR ICE".
With high-definition TV everything
looks bigger and wider. Kind of like going to your 25th
high school reunion
A guy to a friend: "After three
sets golf clubs and ten years of lessons, I am finally
getting some fun out of golf. I quit."
What did 2 say to 3 about the unruly 6?
Dont worry about him; he is just
a product of our times.
"Will you love me when Im
old and ugly?"
"Darling, of course I do."
A Chronological Record of Events as they have
Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.
He Was Absent-Minded.
A young man over in a neighboring town
took a girl out for a drive and she fell out of the buggy
and he drove on a mile or two before he missed her.
You can bet your last penny that such a
thing never happened in Carthage. The wheels might drop
off, the shaft pull out, the horse drop dead, or the
buggy wheel disappear entirely and not be missed, but the
girl - never.
The Regan brothers, who are now owners
of Park cemetery, are making some decided improvements in
that already beautiful place. They have laid off and
platted three new blocks, and will grade and gravel all
the streets with mining gravel. Additional culverts will
also be put in to run the water off.
Kaiser Will Run.
On September 24, 2011, at 10:00
am, on the west side of the Carthage courthouse,
randee kaiser made his formal public announcement
to run for the office of Jasper County Sheriff.
A news releas from the campaign
says that "Randee Kaiser is well qualified
to serve the citizens of Jasper County. Kaiser,
assistant chief of the Carthage Police
Department, has been an officer for 16 years. He
has served as a police sergeant, drug task force
officer and is a member of the Tri-state major
case squad. Kaiser holds a masters degree
in criminal justice Adminstration."
The release also states that
"Kaiser has a solid track record of
professional and dignified service in law
enforcement and is anxious to extend these
qualities to the citizens of Jasper County."
The Bright Futures Advisory
Boardwill be hosting a breakfast on September 27,
7 a.m., at Fairview Christian Church. Members of
the business community, faith-based organizations
and human service groups have been invited to
come and listen and be inspired to participate.
Mrs. Laurel Rosenthal, Mark Twain Principal (417)
County Jail Count
? September 27,
Including Placed out of County
Ive never understood
why they put an eraser on a red pencil. In
the first place, those wieldin such an
instrument is supposed ta be lookin for
mistakes, not makin em. But even
more to the point, as a youngster I saw more
than one attempt to erase a red check mark on
a less than perfect paper. I never saw anyone
ever successfully erase a red mark.
Typically, after a futile
attempt, there would be some effort to hide
the mark with a doodle or two, or a random
line meant to cover the obvious.
observations were at the relatively young age
of under 10. Those attemptin to fool
their parents or other classmates hadnt
yet grasp the real art form of hidin
mistakes. One lesson was ta never use a red
This is some fact, but
Just Jake Talkin.
HERES A TIP
A Tip From JoAnn: I like
bottled water, but its expensive and
creates a lot of waste. I have plenty of reusable
bottles, but bottled water always seemed more
convenient and, frankly, better. I found that
what I really like is to take a bottle of very
cold water out of the fridge and drink it, so
instead of storing those reusable bottles in the
cabinet, I fill them straight from the dishwasher
and put them in the fridge. Now I have the
convenience of bottled without spending the
money, and Im happy I am not creating
To remove stubborn
contact paper from kitchen shelves, use a hair
dryer set on low to loosen the adhesive, then
peel away slowly.
Heres a trick for
removing hard-water stains on windows or glass
doors: Apply full-strength fabric softener to
surface. Let dry, then use a wet cloth to remove,
rinsing the cloth frequently.
Hang a bag of
clothespins near the laundry basket. Then if
something has a stain that needs to be addressed,
put a clip on it before adding it to the basket.
This way, youll know what to pretreat on
wash day. -- D.W. in Washington
To keep pants on a
hanger from creasing, I slit a paper towel
cardboard roll and slip it over the hanger. I
tape it together and then put the pants over it.
This has worked for me for many years. -- I.R. in
Got a grease stain on
your shirt? Cover it with baking soda right away.
The baking soda will absorb the oil. Repeat
several times and launder as quickly as you can.
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