The Mornin' Mail is published every weekday except major holidays
Thursday, September 29, 2011 Volume XX, Number 72

did ya know?.

Did Ya Know?.. There will be a pet blessing on Sun. Oct 2 in the Barking Lot of the Grace Episcopal Church, corner of Chestnut & Howard. at 5 p.m. All animals and friends welcomed.

today's laugh

A man and his wife are sitting at the kitchen table, which is next to the window. The man’s name is Rudolph, and since he is Russian, people call him "Rudolph the Red." Rudolph looked out the window and said to his wife, "Oh look honey, it’s raining outside." She looks out as well and says, "No, I think that is snow." He looks at her and says, "Rudolph the red knows rain dear."


An Irishman proposed to his girl friend on Saint Patrick’s Day and gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond. On learning it wasn’t real she protested vehemently about his cheapness. He explained that in honor of Saint Patrick’s Day, he picked her a sham rock.


A man went into his dentist to see why his dentures kept decaying rapidly on him.

The dentist looked at his dentures and remarked, "This is very odd, they look like something’s been eating them. Is there anything different that you’ve been eating lately?"

The man thought for a bit and said, "Well, my wife has been making a lot of eggs benedict recently with hollandaise sauce."

"Ah!" exclaimed the dentist, "That’s it. I know just what you need. I’m going to order you some new dentures with plates made out of chrome."

"Chrome?" exclaimed the man incredulously, "Why Chrome?"

"Because, There’s no plates like chrome for the hollandaise"


You need two American coins to add up to .30 cents. One of them is not a nickel.

Q: What are the coins?

A: One of them is not a nickel, the other one is, a nickel and a quarter.


On the other hand, you have different fingers.


A Chronological Record of Events as they have Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.

Michael Morris Bound Over.

Michael Morris, the man who was arrested charged with grand larceny for trying to drive away with E. R. Grieb’s team and wagon and a load of goods last Monday, was given a hearing before Justice Shaffer in Union township yesterday and was bound over to the grand jury. As he failed to give bail he was taken back to jail.

Won a Prize on an Essay.

Hubert H. Cushman, the soda fountain expert with the Wells Drug Co., has just been awarded the third prize of $15 in a contest for essays on "How to run a hot soda apparatus profitably." the prizes were offered by James W. Tufts of Boston, to be competed for only by fountain experts. The prizes called out no less than 700 essays and the judges have been ever since June 1 going over them and selecting the ones entitled to the prizes.

  Today's Feature

11th Annual Alumni Football.

The 11th Annual Alumni Football Game will be held on Saturday, October 8 presented by Carthage R-9 School Foundation. The game begins at 7:00 pm at K.E. Baker Stadium. Tickets are $3.00 at the gate for adults. Children 12 and under get in free. Concessions are available including grilled hamburgers and hot dogs.

CHS Alumni Football Players of all ages gather on the gridiron once again as the Blue Team and the White Team face off. Coach Andy Youngworth is the announcer, assisted by color man Neel Baucom.

Youth Football Players also take the field to show their Tiger Pride and scrimmage under the lights. Youth Cheerleaders demonstrate their talent and spirit.!

The purpose of Carthage R-9 School Foundation is to develop additional resources to assist the school district in improving educational opportunities for students, faculty and patrons of the district. The Alumni Football Game is one of the Foundation’s major fundraisers.

To play in the game, become a sponsor, or make a donation in support of the Foundation, call 417.359.7047.

Jasper County Jail Count

? September 28, 2011

Total Including Placed out of County


By Monte Dutton

Struggling Montoya Stays Optimistic

Juan Pablo Montoya began competing regularly in NASCAR’s Sprint Cup Series in 2007. He was named Rookie of the Year, which came as no surprise since Montoya is one of the racing world’s more recognizable names, not to mention one of its prodigious talents.

Yet Montoya -- who won the CART championship in 1999 as a rookie, won the Indianapolis 500 in 2000 and the Grand Prix of Monaco in 2003 -- has yet to blossom into full-fledge stock-car stardom.

Montoya, who just turned 36, is the first foreign-born driver to win more than once in Cup competition. Both his victories have occurred on road courses. He made the Chase for the Sprint Cup in 2009.

Entering the rain-delayed Geico 400 at Chicagoland Speedway, Montoya, who is from Bogota, Colombia, but now lives in Miami, ranked 18th in the point standings. It’s been a dreary season not just for Montoya, but for his team, Earnhardt Ganassi Racing with Felix Sabates. Montoya’s teammate, Jamie McMurray, had slumped to 25th entering the Chicagoland race.

"I think the No. 1 car (McMurray) has been having a really rough season, and they have been trying to change things around, and it hasn’t really come to them," Montoya said. "They have had a couple of decent results, but overall it has been a really hard season for them.

"For us, we have been up and down. We can get a top-five (finish) here and there, and fight for a win there, and then run 30th. It is something ... we need to understand why it is, and lately it has been getting harder and harder. I think our cars need to get better. We looked at some numbers and stuff, and there is some work to be done. It is going to be interesting."

If Montoya is growing weary of struggling, he hasn’t admitted it. He insists he is happy with the principal owner, Chip Ganassi.

"He’s a good guy to work for," Montoya said. "Like everybody else, he’s got his good days, and really bad days.

"You’ve got to make sure, when you talk to him, you’ve got him on a good day."

Just Jake Talkin'

Hopefully the last of the pig tales.

Sounder, that’s what ya call a bunch a pigs. (A herd is also acceptable I guess, but I still think pigs deserve their own particular collective term.)

Some other unusual collective terms were also submitted by a Mail fan. There is a leap of leopards, of course a pride of lions, and a parliament of owls. Polecats gather into a chine and several rabbits become a drove.

Turkey’s aren’t considered a flock, but a rafter, while wolves pack. Eagles don’t flock either, they group in a lofty soundin’ convocation. Then there is the gaggle of geese, a skulk of foxes, and a troop of kangaroos (also sometimes called a mob of kangaroos). By the way, a yoke of oxen is exactly two, so two yoke would be four.

This is some fact, but mostly,

Just Jake Talkin’.

Sponsored by Carthage Printing

Weekly Column



My wife and I live in the northwest corner of Georgia, and she insists on running her car’s air conditioner at all times -- winter, summer, spring, fall, day, night, doesn’t matter. While I don’t mind using it when it’s hot, I think using it in winter does nothing but waste gas (as your engine does have to work harder when the air is on). But she thinks that by running it in the winter, it will keep her hair nice because, according to her, it keeps the humidity low.

When we drive somewhere together, sometimes I can sneak my hand over and turn it off while she’s not looking, and, after the inevitable argument that results from my surreptitious action, I can’t ever tell any difference in her hair. But she insists that she can. We’ve argued back and forth about this for 10 years now, and I think it is finally time we settled it once and for all. -- Jeff

TOM: Jeff, here’s what you need to realize: Once your wife divorces you, she’ll use the air conditioning whenever she wants, since she’ll be getting the car. And you’ll be living in a refrigerator box.

RAY: My brother knows whereof he speaks, Jeff.

TOM: You need to give it a rest, man. You’ve been on her case for 10 years over this? Who cares? If she says it makes her hair look better, then it looks better.

RAY: She’s probably right. Using the air conditioner decreases the humidity in the air. And everybody knows that humid days are bad-hair days. Humid days for me are "no hair days." Just like every other day.

Tom: So, consider the facts, Jeff: (A) She’s right. (B) You’re being a pest. And (C) a divorce is much more expensive than the small amount of gas she’s using to run the air conditioner. So you decide the best course of action here.

Copyright 2011, Heritage Publishing. All rights reserved.