Zoning for the Ark
And the Lord saith unto Noah, "Where is the
ark which I commanded thee to build?"
And Noah replied, "Behold, when I
journeyed to the Jordan County Planning and Zoning office
for a permit, verily they railed against me and said,
"Thy property art not zoned for an ark thirty cubits
high. Thou wouldst require a 1040 review, environmental
impact studies and a public hearing for a variance...
"And behold, when I toldest them
it would be a temporary usage, they asked where I wast
going with a three-storied ark? I explaineth to them
about the flood, the waters from the great deep and the
flood-gates of the sky. And behold, they wentest berserk
and ranted about water rights and minimum stream flow
regulations and flood plain studies. I barely escaped
with my life.
"And another thing, oh Lord, my
lot is zoned for a single-family dwelling, and Thou hath
planned ark condos for even my three sons and their
wives. That wouldst be a multifamily development."
And the Lord saith, "Noah,
faithful servant, do thy best...I shall take care of you.
But I needeth the ark completed in two fortnights. Do not
And Noah saith, "Lord, behold, the
building department hath been giving me fits. Thou didst
specify gopherwood beams on one cubit centers on the
second level. Code requireth that gopherwood beams be
placed on half cubit centers on that level to give
adequate bearing strength for the elephants, hippos and
rhinos. When I left, they were calling Planning and
Zoning, asking about zoning for a zoo or circus. Lord, I
thinkest that we are in trouble with the animals."
And Noah continued, "Verily, I
have had three carpenters off ill and on workers
compensation and last Monday was a holiday. And the fowls
of the air Thou ordered by sevens are now sold only in
Noah wrung his hands and wept, saying
"Oh Lord, I am undone."
And the Lord replieth with compassion,
"Take heart, Noah. Now thou understandeth why I have
called for a flood to descend upon the earth."
Maple Leaf Festival Artwork Contest
The 46th annual Maple Leaf
Festival planning committee has selected the
winning artwork for the festival. Artists,
students and local residents were asked to submit
work to represent this years theme
"From Tradition to Today".
Terri Bunn, who lives in
Wichita but has family in the area said, "My
sister-in-law has loved bragging about Carthage,
the Maple Leaf Festival and the Art Community in
your city, and I have enjoyed listening!"
Bunns artwork will appear
in coordinating marketing, including the official
brochure, for the annual city celebration set for
October 12-21 in Carthage. The image will also be
printed on official festival gear which will be
available for pre-order.
Bunn said, "Visiting
Carthage has been one of my favorite things to
do! My mother-in-law is also a resident. They are
fortunate to have found such a wonderful place to
For more information, contact
Mary Jo at the Carthage Chamber of Commerce,
417-358-2373 or email@example.com.
Mochip Child ID.
The Alba and Carthage Masonic
Lodge has arranged the free Child Identification
and Protection Program to be held at the Grace
Episcopal Church, 820 Howard, on March 31 from 10
a.m. until 2 p.m. It is sponsored by the Missouri
Masonic Childrens Foundation and the local
The program consists of five
major components: Digital photographs, digital
fingerprints, child information and emergency
contacts, a dental bite impression, and two
laminated ID cards.
The childs digital
photographs and fingerprints, and their vital
information are given to the parent or guardian
on a mini-CD computer disk. The information on
the disk is "Amber Alert" compatible.
Parents are urged to gather
pertinent information about their child prior to
an event such as, doctor, dentist, and emergency
contact name, address and phone numbers,
distinguishing marks and scars, allergies,
medications, and parent work, cell, and assorted
phone numbers. Height charts and scales are
available at the event to facilitate the most
current details regarding the child. As to be
expected, security and privacy are of utmost
importance. All information and specimens are
collected on site, processed, and provided to the
parent or legal guardian in an
envelopealong with the added sentiment of a
Masonic volunteer"We hope you never
need to use it." At the end of each event,
data bases are erased using state-of-the-art
software. The only item retained by the Masonic
Childrens Foundation is the signed
For information call David
Film On Globes Tornado Response.
Like community newspapers do
every spring in their towns all across the
country, The Joplin Globe covered the graduation
program for local high school seniors on May 22,
Moments after that Sunday
afternoon ceremony ended, the lives of Joplin
residents changed forever.
Among the buildings squarely in
the storms path through town were the high
school and the citys main hospital. Both
were damaged beyond repair as a third of the
city, blew apart when the massive vortex chewed
through its center.
Then began The Globes
duty to report on the storm and its impact on the
community and the entire region. That duty became
a mission for the newspapers staff, to tell
the stories about all of the tragedies and
miracles, the victims and the heroes, the
responses of neighbors and the world.
The story of how The Globe
carried out that mission has been told in a
documentary film that will be premiered on May 3.
"Deadline in Disaster," produced by the
Missouri Press Foundation, will be shown at 7
p.m. in the Missouri Theatre, 9th and Locust
streets in downtown Columbia.
Preceding the showing of the
59-minute film will be a reception and silent
auction in the theater lobby to raise funds for a
memorial in Joplin to the victims and survivors.
After the film, members of The Globe staff will
answer questions from the audience.
Urban Forester Jon Skinner will
be holding a series of Tree Selection and
Planting workshops to help home owners make
better decisions and establish new tree to
optimize its benefits.
"Everyone can improve
their property with a little planning and
forethought," says Skinner. "This is a
decision that lasts a lifetime. One thing many do
not realize is that well placed, healthy, larger
trees will increase property value over a similar
property without those trees."
Everyone is welcome to attend
one of these free workshops. Registration is
requested. For information or to register, call
Skinner have a workshop on
March 26, 2012, at 6:30 PM in the Wildcat Glades
Conservation and Audubon Center, 201 W. Riviera
Dr. (Wildcat Park), Joplin.
Leaf Festival Brochure Applications Available.
The Carthage Chamber has
announced that the deadline to be included in
this years Maple Leaf Festival brochure is
earlier than in past years. Completed
applications AND fees are due no later April 1st
in order to be considered for the 2012 Maple Leaf
Festival brochure. Applications will be reviewed
by the Maple Leaf Committee upon completion and
not all applications may be accepted.
A promotional fee of $25 for
events sponsored by Chamber members and $50 for
events sponsored by non-Chamber members is
required for each submitted event. These fees
help defray the costs of printing 22,000
brochures and maintaining an online events
calendar. Events submitted without the fee will
NOT be published in the Maple Leaf Festival
Applications are available via
fax or e-mail or at the Carthage Chamber, 402 S.
Garrison. For more information or to request an
application, contact Mary Jo at 417-358-2373 or
County Jail Count
171 March 6,
Including Placed out of County
by Metcalf Auto Supply
CLICK and CLACK
Dear Tom and Ray:
The sunroof on my 1998 Toyota
RAV4 doesnt close anymore. The Toyota
repair guy says it will cost $1,700 to replace
the motor and cables ($1,400 for parts, $300 for
labor). The bluebook value for my cars appears to
be about $3,500, which means Ill be
investing about half its value in a repair.
However, I love my RAV4, and it has only 42,000
miles on it. Leaving the sunroof unrepaired or
closed isnt an option - I live in San
Francisco, and unless theres an absolute
downpour, I have the roof open. Should I get it
fixed, or get a whole new car? - Laura
Tom: Fix it. No question about
Ray: I agree. The blue-book
value of the car is irrelevant. That matters only
if youre selling the car. And youre
not selling it. You love it.
Tom: If you dindnt have a
car, and soneone came to you right now and said,
"You can have this exact 98 RAV$ with
a working sunroof and 42,000 miles on it for
$1,700," youd buy it , right?
Thats essentially what youre doing.
Ray: Look at the alternative:
What are you going to get to replace this car for
$1,700? Youd get a car that looks like
something my brother would own.
Tom: Ill sell you my
78 Fiat for $1,700. Its roof leaks, too,
but I fixed it by drilling a hole in the floor so
the water can drain out.
Ray: If the cars in good
shape - which it is - and you still love it -
which you do - then invest in the repair and keep
ART NOTES from
by Sally Armstrong,
Director of artCentral
Spring has definitely
"sprung" and today I think I could hear
things growing! With it brings a new season of
art walks, and the Chamber Planning Board for the
Carthage Art Walk has a whole new schedule for
2012 that you can look forward to beginning April
13th and 14th. The fliers are out, and posters
due to come in soon so watch for advertising
around town, but just to tell you that each of
the 4 "walks" has a new theme. The
first one is "Comics & Graphic
Arts" which will especially feature these
kinds of art in the hub venue, UMB downtown.
There will be a special display of
"sequential art" or comic-style work by
at least one published artist, and examples of
other work that you wont want to miss.
These are not kids comics, but more adult
versions, and surprisingly a number of local
artists are involved in these types of art, from
the Japanese style "manga" (like Hello
Kitty fame characters) to the action figure
heros. The Haun brother of Joplin, William and
Jeremy are both professional sequential artists
for Marvel comics. A third brother Eric, also a
painter and who happens to be the current
president of the board of directors of
artCentral, tells me they will be unable to
attend as they will be traveling to Chicago for a
display conference and convention of comic
artists there, but we do hope to have former Webb
Citian and current resident of Fayetteville,
Arkansas, Sean Fitzgibbon. Sean is a fine arts
graduate of the university there and an art
instructor at the college, but specializes in
this type of art and has had books published of
his work. It should be very interesting no matter
how many of these artists we display, so I hope
folks will come out to look at this as well as
more traditional artists work during the
first Carthage 2012, both Friday night April 13th
and all day Saturday the 14th on the square.
The workshop here to be
presented by our next gallery artist, Dale
Augustson of Springfield, and scheduled for March
31st and April 1st is nearly full. This will be a
very specialized class giving each adult-student
a lot of attention and instruction. Please
dont hesitate to email me or call the
gallery for additional information at
firstname.lastname@example.org or by calling
Copyright 2012, Heritage
Publishing. All rights reserved.