A priest, a doctor, and a professional golfer
were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of
GOLFER: Whats with these guys? We
must have been waiting for 15 minutes!
DOCTOR: I dont know but Ive
never seen such ineptitude!
PRIEST: Hey, here comes the
greenskeeper. Lets have a word with him. Say
George, whats with that group ahead of us?
Theyre rather slow arent they?
GEORGE: Oh yes. Thats a group of
blind firefighters. They lost their sight while saving
our clubhouse last year. So we let them play here anytime
free of charge. (Silence)
PRIEST: Thats so sad. I think I
will say a special prayer for them tonight.
DOCTOR: Good idea. And Im going
to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if
theres anything he can do for them.
GOLFER: Why cant these guys play
After days of abdominal pain, a man
goes to the doctor for some tests. Returning a few weeks
later he asks for the results. Hmmm says the
doctor, I have some good news and some bad
I suppose I better have the good
news first. Says the man.
Well, sighs the
doctor. Were going to name a disease after
A young guy and girlfriend were holding
hands, and just gazing out over the lake.
For several minutes they sat silently,
then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, "A
penny for your thoughts."
"Well, uh, I was thinkin...
perhaps its about time for a kiss."
The girl blushed, then leaned over and
kissed him lightly on the cheek. Then he blushed. After a
while the girl spoke again.
"Another penny for your thoughts,
The young man knit his brow.
"Well, now," he said, "my thoughts are a
bit more serious this time."
"Really?" said the girl in a
whisper, filled with anticipation.
"Dont you think its
about time you pay me that first penny?"
Have Fun Get Muddy!
Area youth of all ages are
invited to have fun and get muddy at The Alliance
of Southwest Missouris annual Mudstock,
taking place on Saturday, June 2nd in Carthage at
the old airport grounds (behind Wal-Mart
follow the Mudstock signs). The event will be
held from noon to 3:00 p.m. and is free of charge
to the public. In order for children to
participate, permission forms must be completed
by the childs parent/guardian. For children
age 12 and under, the parent/guardian must also
remain on Mudstock grounds during the event.
As the name implies, Mudstock
is a mud-filled event featuring hills, obstacles,
a swing rope, and a lazy river, all designed by
the Carthage Fire Department, Carthage Police
Department, and the National Guard 203rd.
Mudstock is a fun, interactive alternative to
drugs and alcohol that promotes getting muddy on
the outside while staying clean on the inside.
Co-ed mud volleyball will also be offered.
Sunscreen, shorts, shirts, socks, and shoes are
required (no sandals please).
Registration forms for
volleyball teams as well as permission forms may
be found at www.theallianceofswmo.org. Volleyball
pre-registration is required, but permission
forms may be completed on-site. For additional
details, contact The Alliance at 417-358-3270.
Honor Carthage YMCA For Help With Tornado
Lifeline Pilots, located in
Peoria, IL, recognized the Fair Acres Family YMCA
at its special celebration last month for the
collaborative effort between our Y & their
organization. During the height of the tornado
crisis the Y worked with several distribution
centers in Joplin to identify items needed by
families and individuals. Lifeline Pilots then
rounded up items in Peoria and surrounding areas
and their volunteer pilots flew the goods into
Joplin where the Y met them and had the items
taken to designated locations.
One of the radio stations in
Peoria promoted a month-long campaign called
"Fill the Hanger" in which the airline
terminal donated a hanger where donated gifts
were brought & stored and then at the end of
the month Lifeline Pilot volunteers flew the
gifts to Joplin. "The response was
tremendous," said Fair Acres Family Y
Executive Bob Brower.
Percent Increase in Traffic Deaths Reported.
The Missouri State Highway
Patrol says that Missouri is currently
experiencing an 18 percent increase in traffic
deaths compared to the same time period last
year. Motorists are encouraged to be safe and
courteous drivers. Speed, inattention, and
impaired driving are leading causes of traffic
crashes. The Patrol encourages everyone to do
their part, obey all traffic laws and buckle up.
The Patrol will be
participating in Operation C.A.R.E. (Combined
Accident Reduction Effort) during the long
Memorial Day weekend. This means every available
officer will be on the road enforcing traffic
laws and assisting motorists. In addition, the
Patrol will assign troopers to 20-mile intervals
along Interstates 35, 44, 55, and 70, and U.S.
Highways 60 and 63 on May 25, 2012 and May 28,
2012. Troopers taking part in the 20-Mile Trooper
enforcement project will be alert for all traffic
offenses, and be especially vigilant to
aggressive driving violations.
Motorists or boaters in need of
assistance or who want to report a crime should
use the Highway Patrols Highway Emergency
Assistance number 1-800-525-5555 or *55 on a
Over the 2011 Memorial Day
holiday weekend, four people died and 415 were
injured in 1,019 traffic crashes. That is one
person killed or injured every 11.2 minutes. Last
year, 133 persons were arrested for DWI. This
years fatality counting period for the
holiday weekend begins at 6 p.m., Friday, May 25,
and ends at 11:59 p.m., Monday, May 28, 2012.
Troopers will focus their attention on seat belt
use, use of child safety seats, intoxicated
drivers, and speed violations.
The Memorial Day weekend is
also an unofficial start to the boatingseason.
During the 2011 Memorial Day weekend, there were
10 boating accidents with one injury and zero
fatalities. In addition, two people drowned over
the holiday weekend. Officers arrested 23 people
for boating while intoxicated.
"I encourage every
driverof a vehicle or a vesselto make
safety part of their three-day weekend
plans," said Colonel Ron Replogle,
superintendent of the Missouri State Highway
Patrol. "Please, Dont drink and
County Jail Count
184 May 16, 2011
Including Placed out of County
by Metcalf Auto Supply
CLICK and CLACK
Do you ever address questions
about old farm tractors? Our 1945 Farmall-A
starts well and runs well for about 10-20
minutes, but then it starts to miss and then
stalls out, typically while going up a slope --
even a small one. Along with our local mechanic,
we checked out the carburetor (the original
Schebler), the fuel lines, put in new plugs and
added B-12 Chemtool and STP Lead Substitute
additives to the gasoline. We have a new
Zenith-type carburetor on the shelf, but I
dont want to put that in unless thats
the problem for sure. Thanks.-- Will
RAY: Well, we definitely can
help you narrow it down to one of two things,
Will. Its either an ignition problem or a
carburetor problem. How did we come to that
conclusion? Thats about all there is to
TOM: You might have a classic
case of float sink. Carburetors regulate the
gasoline flow with a float -- just like the one
in your toilet tank. Most of them are made of
plastic, but yours may be old enough to be made
out of copper.
RAY: Over time, what happens is
that the float develops little, tiny pinholes in
it, and becomes porous. And it gets to the point
where, basically, the float barely floats!
TOM: In that case, that new
Zenith carburetor will solve the problem.
RAY: While you said youve
put in new plugs, you really need to put in
points and a condenser, too. And you even might
want to test the resistance of the coil, to be
sure its still putting out sufficient
voltage, because a weak coil can cause the same
RAY: Im confident one of
those things will fix it, Will. But if not,
dont write to us again. Remember, the
reason you never see questions about old farm
tractors in our column is because we dont
know anything about them! Good luck, Will.
ART NOTES from
Armstrong, Director of artCentral
Artists are a group of area ceramic artists
currently numbering 26 members who have been
organized for quite sometime now, and exhibit
often in the area. They recently were in joint
sales and display together in Webb City for a
weekend, and have joined in several area sales
events over the past months, displaying their
works in outdoor venues and centers. Our last
group showing with them was in 2007, and at that
time they had a bit different membership, so each
time they come together the work is somewhat
changed. We eagerly look forward to their new
exhibition here at Hyde House which will open May
25th and is called, "Conversations in
Clay". Dont miss the opening on Friday
evening at 6:00 when we hope to welcome many
members of Midwest Clay Artists here to meet our
visitors and guests. I know that they will not
disappoint! artCamp mailings have been out for a
week now, and I have also placed brochures at the
Public Library and at the Chamber office. If you
have a child aged 8-14 interested in creative
things and art in particular, this is the summer
activity for them! I especially am excited about
some new classes we are presenting; a clay class
called "three layered pots" sounds like
fun, where students will build three separate
pots in different shapes, then join the three
together for firing. Another class will instruct
students in the building of terrariums, both in a
paper model and then an actual small terrarium to
be constructed. Basics of crochet and needle
felting will be explored, and insects will be
constructed from sculpty clay in large scale.
Jewelry classes will include button jewelry as
well as two kinds of wire jewelry, and another
made from baked plastic forms connected to
o-rings and strung. The basics will be covered
too, and the subjects of birds, sunflowers and
pets will be drawn and painted. One more week
remains for the John Lasater show, and we are
open Friday- Sunday noon to 5:00 so dont
miss this onesuch beautiful weather to get
out and view this beautiful work!
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