The Mornin' Mail is published every weekday except major holidays
Tuesday, May 15, 2007 Volume XV, Number 233

did ya know?

Did Ya Know?... A Knights of Pythias Fish Fry will be held Tuesday, May 15. Family Night. Social Hour at 6 p.m., Meal at 6:30 p.m.

Did Ya Know?... Advanced tickets for the June 8 Faris Family Concert are available at the Powers Museum and Oldies and Oddities Mall on the Square. Tickets are $7 or adults, under 12 free.

Did Ya Know?... The "Emma Sanders Memorial Fund" has been established at Southwest Missouri Bank by friends of the Sanders family. This is to give those showing concern for the family an opportunity to help. Contributions to the fund can be made at any Southwest Missouri Bank.

today's laugh

I got a new dog - a dachshund - I entered him in the races last Saturday.
How did he make out?
It was a circular track and he overtook himself.

How did you come to have such a long beard?
My brother left home ten years ago with the razor.

Do you have any caviar?
No, but I can give you a plate of tapioca and some dark glasses and you’ll never know the difference.

A Chronological Record of Events as they have Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.

Stamps Required.

A large number of letters without any stamps affixed, have been mailed at the Carthage postoffice recently, directed to Barton J. Morrow, the census supervisor at Neosho, the senders evidently thinking that as Mr. Morrow is a government official, no postage is needed in writing to him on official business. This is a mistake as the writers of those letters will realize when they see their missives in the glass case at the postoffice "held for postage."

Only in a few cases can the use of postage stamps on a letter be dispensed with, and then an official envelope is used which envelope can only be used by a government employee on official business, under penalty of $300 fine.

Henry Rose Ships Cattle.

Henry Rose shipped fifty six head of cattle - yearling stockers - to Kansas City yesterday. Joe Pickering went up with them.


Today's Feature

Carthage Community Health Fair.

News release

A number of routine medical tests will be available free-of-charge at the McCune-Brooks Hospital 16th annual Carthage Community Health Fair scheduled for Saturday, May 19. The fair will be held from 8 a.m. to 12 noon at Carthage Memorial Hall, 407 South Garrison.

Free health screenings will be available from community organizations and various departments at McCune-Brooks Hospital. Screenings include Pulmonary Function,

Height & Weight, Bone Density, Physical Therapy Functional Screen, Spinal Screen, Blood Pressure, Cholesterol and Blood Sugar, Body Fat, and Hearing Check. Some screenings, such as blood sugar testing, require that participants fast for 12 hours before the test. They may drink water, but may not consume any foods before the test. Refreshments will be available for those who have been fasting as soon as they have completed the test.

Informational booths will be set up from various hospital departments and organizations offering data about health and safety-related topics. Participating organizations include Carlson Chiropractic Center, Carthage Fire Department, Carthage Police Department, Community Hospices of America, Compassionate Care Consultants, Curves, Deer Creek Hearing Services, Jasper County Emergency Services, Jasper County Health Dept., Juice Plus, Lion’s Eye Bank, Over 60 Center, Ostomy Association, the Salvation Army and the United Way. Participating hospital departments include Ambulance / EMS Dept., mbh Healthcare Foundation, Cardiac Pulmonary Rehab, Cardio-Pulmonary Services, Generations Unit, Golden Reflections, Home Health, Laboratory, Diabetes Education, Nutritional Services, Physical Therapy, Radiology Dept., Sleep Scan Clinic, Ethics Committee, Pharmacy, and the Social Services Dept.

The newest McCune-Brooks Hospital ambulance will be on display and the McCune-Brooks Pharmacy will present "Ask the Pharmacist" so persons attending can have medication-related questions answered.

Members of the McCune-Brooks Golden Reflections organization will be special guests at the health fair and will be admitted one half-hour early at 7:30 a.m. upon presentation of their Golden Reflections membership card.

Budget Meeting Cancelled.

The City Council Budget Ways and Means committee meeting scheduled for Monday evening was cancelled.

The Public Works Committee is scheduled to meet this afternoon at 4:30 p.m. but there is no new or old business on the agenda.

Just Jake Talkin'

It seems that animals just don’t understand or appreciate the superior human refinements.

House pets seem to be especially ignorant of good taste.

I don’t know how many dog toys and cat toys that my family has purchased over the years, but our pets never appreciated any of ‘em.

The cat would rather play with a paper sack than any store bought toy. Sometimes the very sack that the toy came home in. The dog would take a likin’ to a stray sock that eventually got tied into a knot.

I don’t know why we think we can outguess the wishes of a cat, or a dog, or other humans for that matter. All we can do is ta make choices available and let the marketplace respond.

This is some fact, but mostly,

Just Jake Talkin’.

Mornin' Mail

To Your Good Health
By Paul G. Donohue, M.D.

Medicines Can Usually Remedy Large Prostrate

DEAR DR. DONOHUE: I have been told and have read in many articles that nothing can be done for a diffusely and extremely enlarged prostate gland. Is this true? -- J.C.

ANSWER: No, it’s not true.

With age, all men’s prostate glands enlarge. Diffuse enlargement -- enlargement of the entire gland, not just a part -- is the usual kind of enlargement. The normal prostate gland is about the size of a peach pit. Through the middle of the gland runs the urethra, the tube that empties the bladder. An enlarged gland squeezes the urethra so urine cannot properly drain from the bladder. Affected men have to run to the restroom all the time, day and night.

Medicines are one treatment for gland enlargement. One group of medicines relaxes the muscles within the prostate gland that pinch the urethra. They also relax the muscles at the bottom of the bladder to make emptying it easier.

Other medicines actually shrink the gland. It takes months before the results of these medicines take hold, but, given time, they work for many men.

Surgical procedures abound for men who don’t respond to medicines. A TURP -- transurethral resection of the prostate -- is the standard operation. No incision is made. Instruments are passed through the urethra to the prostate location and the excess prostate tissue is pared away.

Newer procedures, not suitable for every man, can reduce the prostate size with lasers, microwaves, radio waves or balloon compression of the gland. A urologist can tell you which one is best suited to you.

to his SON.

by George Horace Lorimer
First published October, 1902

Being the Letters written by John Graham, Head of the House of Graham & Company, Pork-Packers in Chicago, familiarly known on ‘Change as "Old Gorgon Graham," to his Son, Pierrepont, facetiously known to his intimates as "Piggy."

FROM John Graham, at the union Stock Yards in Chicago, to his son, Pierrepont, at Harvard University, Cambridge, Mass. Mr. Pierrepont has just been settled by his mother as a member, in good and regular standing, of the Freshman class.

Dear Pierrepont:

Your Ma got back safe this morning and she wants me to be sure to tell you not to over-study, and I want to tell you to be sure not to under-study. What we’re really sending you to Harvard for is to get a little of the education that’s so good and plenty there. When it’s passed around you don’t want to be bashful, but reach right out and take a big helping every time, for I want you to get your share. You’ll find that education’s about the only thing lying around loose in this world, and that it’s about the only thing a fellow can have as much of as he’s willing to haul away. Everything else is screwed down tight and the screw-driver lost.

I didn’t have your advantages when I was a boy, and you can’t have mine. Some men learn the value of money by not having any and starting out to pry a few dollars loose from the odd millions that are lying around; and some learn it by having fifty thousand or so left to them and starting out to spend it as if it were fifty thousand a year. Some men learn the value of truth by having to do business with liars; and some by going to Sunday School. Some men learn the cussedness of whiskey by having a drunken father; and some by having a good mother. Some men get an education from other men and newspapers and public libraries; and some get it from professors and parchments - it doesn’t make any special difference how you get a half-nelson on the right thing, just so you get it and freeze on to it. The package doesn’t county after the eye’s been attracted by it, and in the end it finds its way to the ash heap. It’s the quality of the goods inside which tells, when they once get into the kitchen and up to the cook.

You can cure a ham in dry salt and you can cure it in sweet pickle, and when you’re through you’ve got pretty good eating either way, provided you started in with a sound ham. If you didn’t, it doesn’t make any special difference how you cured it - the ham-tryer’s going to strike the sour spot around the bone. And it doesn’t make any difference how much sugar and fancy pickle you soak into a fellow, he’s no good unless he’s sound and sweet at the core.

The first thing that any education ought to give a man is character, and the second thing is education. That is where I’m a little skittish about this college business. I’m not starting to preach to you, because I know a young fellow with the right sort of stuff in him preaches to himself harder than any one else can, and that he’s mighty often switched off the right path by having it pointed our to him in the wrong way.

I remember when I was a boy, and I wasn’t a very bad boy, as boys go, old Doc Hoover got a notion in his head that I ought to join the church, and he scared me out of it for five years by asking me right out loud in Sunday School if I didn’t want to be saved, and then laying for me after the service and praying with me. Of course I wanted to be saved, but I didn’t want to be saved quite so publicly.

When a boy’s had a good mother he’s got a good conscience, and when he’s got a good conscience he don’t need to have right and wrong labeled for him. Now that you Ma’s left and the apron strings are cut, you’re naturally running up against a new sensation every minute, but if you’ll simply use a little conscience as a tryer, and probe into a thing which looks sweet and sound on the skin, to see if you can’t fetch up a sour smell from around the bone, you’ll be all right.

I’m anxious that you should be a good scholar, but I’m more anxious that you should be a good clean man. And if you graduate with a sound conscience, I shan’t care so much if there are a few holes in your Latin. There are two parts of a college education - the part that you get in the schoolroom from the professors, and the part that you get outside of it from the boys. That’s the really important part. For the first can only make you a scholar, while the second can make you a man.

Education’s a good deal like eating - a fellow can’t always tell which particular thing did him good, but he can usually tell which one did him harm. After a square meal of roast beef and vegetables, and mince pie and watermelon, you can’t say just which ingredient is going into muscle, but you don’t have to be very bright to figure out which one started the demand for painkiller in your insides, or to guess, next morning, which one made you believe in a personal devil the night before. And so, while a fellow can’t figure out to an ounce whether it’s Latin or algebra or history or what among the solids that is building him up in this place or that, he can go right along feeding them in and betting that they’re not the things that turn his tongue fuzzy. It’s down among the sweets, among his amusements and recreations, that he’s going to find his stomach-ache, and it’s there that he wants to go slow and to pick and choose.

It’s not the first half, but the second half of a college education which merchants mean when they ask if a college education pays. It’s the Willie and the Bertie boys; the chocolate eclair and tutti-frutti boys; the la-de-dah and the baa-baa-billy-goat boys; the high cock-a-lo-rum and the cock-a-doddle-do boys; the Bah Jove!, hair-parted-in-the-middle, cigaroot-smoking, Champagne-Charlie, up-all-night-and-in-all-day boys that make ‘em doubt the cash value of the college output, and overlook the roast-beef and blood-gravy boys, the shirt-sleeves and high-water-pants boys, who take their college education and make some fellow’s business hum with it.

Does a College education pay? Does it pay to feed in pork trimmings at five cents a pound at the hopper and draw out nice, cunning, little "country" sausages at twenty cents a pound at the other end? Does it pay to take a steer that’s been running loose on the range and living on cactus and petrified wood till he’s just a bunch of barb-wire and sole-leather, and feed him corn till he’s just a solid hunk of porter-house steak and oleo oil?

You bet it pays. Anything that trains a boy to think and to think quick pays; anything that teaches a boy to get the answer before the other fellow gets through biting the pencil, pays.

College doesn’t make fools; it develops them. It doesn’t make bright men; it develops them. A fool will turn out a fool, whether he goes to college or not, though he’ll probably turn out a different sort of a fool. And a good, strong boy will turn out a bright, strong man whether he’s worn smooth in the grab-what-you-want-and-eat standing-with-one-eye-skinned-for-the-dog school of the streets and stores, or polished up and slicked down in the give-your-order-to-the-waiter-and-get-a sixteen-course-dinner school of the professors. But while the lack of a college education can’t keep No. 1 down, having it boosts No. 2 up.

It’s simply the difference between jump in, rough-and-tumble, kick-with-the-heels-and-but-with-the-head (street) fighting, and this grin-and-look-pleasant, dodge-and-save-your-wind-till-you-see-a-chance-to-land-on-the-solar-plexus style of the trained athlete. Both styles win fights, but the fellow with a little science is the better man, providing he’s kept his muscle hard. If he hasn’t, he’s in a bad way, for his fancy sparing is just going to aggravate the other fellow so that he’ll eat him up.

Of course, some men are like pigs, the more you educate them, the more amusing little cusses they become, and the funnier capers they cut when they show off their sticks. Naturally, the place to send a boy of that breed is to the circus, not to college.

Speaking of educated pigs, naturally calls to mind the case of old man Whitaker and his son, Stanley. I used to know the old man mighty well ten years ago. He was one of those men whom business narrows, instead of broadens. Didn’t get any special fun out of his work, but kept right along at it because he didn’t know anything else. Told me he’d had to root for a living all his life and that he proposed to have Stan’s brought to him in a pail. Sent him to private schools and dancing schools and colleges and universities, and then shipped him to Oxford to soak in a little "atmosphere," as he put it. I never could quite lay hold of that atmosphere dodge by the tail, but so far as I could make out, the idea was that there was something in the air of the Oxford ham-house that gave a fellow an extra fancy smoke.

Well, about the time Stan was through, the undertaker called by for the old man, and when his assets were boiled down and the water drawn off, there wasn’t enough left to furnish Stan with a real nourishing meal. I had a talk with Stan about what he was going to do, but some ways he didn’t strike me as having the making of a good private of industry, let alone a captain, so I started in to get him a job that would suit his talents. Got him in a bank, but while he knew more about the history of banking than the president, and more about political economy than the board of directors, he couldn’t learn the difference between a fiver that the Government turned out and one that was run off on a hand press in a Halsted Street basement. Got him a job on a paper, but while he knew six different languages and all the facts about the Arctic regions, and the history of dancing from the days of Old Adam down to those of Old Nick, he couldn’t write up a satisfactory account of the Ice-Men’s Ball. Could prove that two and two made four by trigonometry and geometry, but couldn’t learn to keep books; was thick as thieves with all the high-toned poets, but couldn’t write a good, snappy, merchantable streetcar ad; knew a thousand diseases that would take a man off before he could blink, but couldn’t sell a thousand-dollar tontine policy; knew the lives of our Presidents as well as if he’d been raised with them, but couldn’t place a set of the Library of the Fathers of the Republic, though they were offered on little easy payments that made them come as easy as borrowing them from a friend. I figured out that any fellow who had such a heavy stock of information on hand, ought to be able to job it out to good advantage, and so I got him a place teaching. But it seemed that he’d learned so much about the best way of teaching boys, that he told his principal right on the jump that he was doing it all wrong, and that made him sore; and he knew so much about the dead languages, which was what he was hired to teach, that he forgot he was handling live boys, and as he couldn’t tell it all to them in the regular time, he kept them after hours, and that made them sore and put Stan out of a job again. The last I heard of him he was writing articles on Why Young Men Fail, and making a success of it, because failing was the one subject on which he was practical.

I simply mention Stan in passing as an example of the fact that it isn’t so much knowing a whole lot, as knowing a little and how to use it that counts.

Your affectionate father,


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